We were allll in. I started taking photos to show the progress my belly would make over then next 9 months (first photo I didn't really understand how to pose like a preggers but I was making progress by the second). We started planning family vacations around it and figuring out when my mom would come to help organize my house to get ready for baby. I started getting the low down from my good friend who just had a baby on what to expect and which products I just HAD to get! I even started reading What to Expect When You're Expecting and alllll the pregnancy apps/articles I could find!
I had 2 wonderful, long, glorious weeks of being pregnant (and knowing it) before I miscarried. But I need to be clear about something. I'm not writing this and telling ya'll about the worst thing that's ever happened to me in any plea for sympathy, encouragement or anything of the like. I'm sharing because THIS IS MY LIFE. It's important to me to share it with my family and friends and maybe because I share my life (even the bad) it'll help someone.
Nick and I were DEVASTATED. This Little One. This baby the size of a pea had become our ENTIRE LIVES! All we could think about was this baby and then suddenly, it was gone. It was so extremely hard and I can't begin to tell you what it is like going through that. It's still hard. I find myself distracting myself so that I don't have to think about it because the second I do, I'm a mess reliving it all over again.
But for as hard as this experience is, we have been immensely blessed. Our families and friends have rallied around us, supporting us, bringing us meals, sending us flowers, visiting us and just letting us know how much they love us. And we have felt an enormous peace through it all.
When I was little, I remember my mom asking me if I could keep a secret. Of course I told her yes because I wanted to know what that secret was SOOO badly! She told me that I was going to have another little sibling soon and I was sooo excited! I wanted a baby sister soo bad! And then a little while later she came back to me and told me that the baby had died. I remember so vividly my mom explaining that the baby couldn't come because they needed a perfect body and the body that had been growing wasn't perfect so it needed to start over again. And a little while later she did get pregnant and had my perfect baby sister!